i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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