Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
