Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
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