U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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