I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
