Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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