I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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