Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
