I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
