Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I can't put those talents on a resume
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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