Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
