Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
