Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
