i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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