bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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