bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
