I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
