Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
