there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
