are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
