what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
