I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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