She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
