New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
