So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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