just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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