Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
