How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
