she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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