you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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