I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
