Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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