you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
