I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
