im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
