I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
