That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
