Did you just see the Batmobile???
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
