she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
