He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
