it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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