a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
