God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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