that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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