Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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