your thong is hanging out like whoa
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Even my vagina gasped.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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