i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Drake has all the answers
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize