omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
