She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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