The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
