whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
