I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
