when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
